ransomware except in addition to encrypting data it plays a 10 hour supercut of all yotubes worst jarjar binks impressions and zingers forever until they pay
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@schrotthaufen @scottwilson how many companies have onsite servers now that they can actually hear?
@Viss @scottwilson If you can hit the resonance frequency of spinning platter drives with loud enough beeps, even the c suite execs will hear it
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ransomware except it transposes the reply and replyall button functionalities in outlook
ransomware except it uses cordura, pegasus or whatever the popular iphone 0day factory is current to randomly light up siri to try and awkwardly flirt with you. it has detection for if youre in a meeting, or traveling, and does the ingress thing to measure delicate changes in accelerometer, gait analysis, nearby bt addresses and more. it pipes up when it knows youre on a zoom/teams call, or in line at the bank or dmv
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ransomware except it transposes the reply and replyall button functionalities in outlook
@Viss you mean enables reply all on all global distribution lists
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@Viss okay, so hear me out...
What if, and we can decide who later, we just disallow reply-all without some kind of quiz first?
Like two lists, one list allows reply-all's and the other list only gets reply-all's when they figure out Neal.fun's password game or something.
@jackryder what youre tired of 'what garlic bread are you' quizzes being sent around the office littered with 1995 flavored clipart, and massive, purple cursive font email signatures?
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@Viss you mean enables reply all on all global distribution lists
@bosh absolutely everywhere
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ransomware except it transposes the reply and replyall button functionalities in outlook
@Viss Ransomware except it always bccs union reps in mails from and to execs
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ransomware except it uses cordura, pegasus or whatever the popular iphone 0day factory is current to randomly light up siri to try and awkwardly flirt with you. it has detection for if youre in a meeting, or traveling, and does the ingress thing to measure delicate changes in accelerometer, gait analysis, nearby bt addresses and more. it pipes up when it knows youre on a zoom/teams call, or in line at the bank or dmv
ransomware except it reverts all default browsers to IE again
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@jackryder what youre tired of 'what garlic bread are you' quizzes being sent around the office littered with 1995 flavored clipart, and massive, purple cursive font email signatures?
@Viss twitch
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ransomware except it reverts all default browsers to IE again
@Viss You are a monster
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@Viss twitch
@jackryder oh the purple font wasnt big enough for you? they made it bigger, now its so big its taller than a full viewport inside the preview pane
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ransomware except it reverts all default browsers to IE again
@Viss jesus that made me shudder
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@jackryder oh the purple font wasnt big enough for you? they made it bigger, now its so big its taller than a full viewport inside the preview pane
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@scottwilson can ... can laptops do the pc speaker beep anymore? is that even still a thing?
@Viss Yeah my Lenovo from 2023 can and it scares the living crap out of me every time. I've never heard a louder PC speaker before! I made sure the pcspkr module is never loaded during boot, lol
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ransomware except it reverts all default browsers to IE again
@Viss this is truly demonic, the horror, have they no honour?
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ransomware except it reverts all default browsers to IE again
ransomware except it converts all your documents to a confluence web site and redirects all email so that you have to read/send all emails using jira.
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ransomware except it reverts all default browsers to IE again
ransomware except it replaces every alpine base image in your kubernetes clusters with hannah montana linux
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ransomware except it transposes the reply and replyall button functionalities in outlook
wait. didn't micro$lop already do that?
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ransomware except it replaces every alpine base image in your kubernetes clusters with hannah montana linux
ransomware except it deploys 500,000 lambda instances under your aws account that all run python cryptominers
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h/t @da_667
da_667 (@da_667@infosec.exchange)
@Viss@mastodon.social @scottwilson I don't know about laptops, but my ali-express chinesium pfSense router can.
Infosec Exchange (infosec.exchange)
malware except it only infects networking appliances that can make pc speaker beeps and boops and forces them to loop through a cacophany of all the shit we used to play on the pc speaker as kids.
mario, doom music, heretic music, descent, star wars, various shit from the mod days -
ransomware except it volunteers you to be a CEH exam proctor
@Viss proctor is the easy part. It’s just standard proctoring.
Now, ask me to teach that material? HELL NO
