Quandary of the day is whether to phone Mum today
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Quandary of the day is whether to phone Mum today.
I haven't sent her a card (gave that up years ago) and we haven't really been speaking.I expect what I'll do is stew about it for hours, forget about it while getting on with the day, then stew about it more when I sit down quiet later, then decide it's too late to do it now and go to bed tonight and not sleep because I'm actually still stewing about not having called her today.
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Quandary of the day is whether to phone Mum today.
I haven't sent her a card (gave that up years ago) and we haven't really been speaking.I expect what I'll do is stew about it for hours, forget about it while getting on with the day, then stew about it more when I sit down quiet later, then decide it's too late to do it now and go to bed tonight and not sleep because I'm actually still stewing about not having called her today.
Basically, I know I 'should', but I always have been contrary about doing things just because some social convention (the majority of which are just made-up stuff) tells me I 'should' do it.
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Basically, I know I 'should', but I always have been contrary about doing things just because some social convention (the majority of which are just made-up stuff) tells me I 'should' do it.
My take on things like this, for what it's worth, is that sometimes these sorts of things are more for you than for the other person. And that if it gives you any sense or peace or value, you should do it. The by-product of course also being that it might also give the other person some small sense of peace or value. Or even if it doesn't, you'll know you've done a thing that is a force for good in this world, and therefore feel better about yourself as a person - even if it's only in an infinitesimal way. Like the old expression - many a mickle maks a muckle.
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Basically, I know I 'should', but I always have been contrary about doing things just because some social convention (the majority of which are just made-up stuff) tells me I 'should' do it.
@scribblanitea Unsolicited response incoming: if it was me I'd try and focus on the not really speaking bit and consider whether a call would help or otherwise. That said, it probably won't help with your ruminations.
All that said, if I was in your position I wouldn't necessarily follow my own advice. Good luck and I hope it's resolved in a positive way for you. -
Basically, I know I 'should', but I always have been contrary about doing things just because some social convention (the majority of which are just made-up stuff) tells me I 'should' do it.
@scribblanitea Idk, doesn't sound like you 'should' to me
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Quandary of the day is whether to phone Mum today.
I haven't sent her a card (gave that up years ago) and we haven't really been speaking.I expect what I'll do is stew about it for hours, forget about it while getting on with the day, then stew about it more when I sit down quiet later, then decide it's too late to do it now and go to bed tonight and not sleep because I'm actually still stewing about not having called her today.
@scribblanitea call her now. It sounds like you’ll both feel better.
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My take on things like this, for what it's worth, is that sometimes these sorts of things are more for you than for the other person. And that if it gives you any sense or peace or value, you should do it. The by-product of course also being that it might also give the other person some small sense of peace or value. Or even if it doesn't, you'll know you've done a thing that is a force for good in this world, and therefore feel better about yourself as a person - even if it's only in an infinitesimal way. Like the old expression - many a mickle maks a muckle.
@TheBreadmonkey Yeah... Alternatively, I will feel that I have given in and done something I have no belief in. Pretend = lie. So in my mind I have 'sold out' in order to fit in with social expectation, rather than been true to myself.
I'm not particularly emotional, so have to pretend (=lie) a lot of the time with her... and I may be exposing myself to the possibility of having her launch into racist Daily Mail mode, which is always traumatising. (Plus side, that would quickly end the call.Again.)
On the other hand, she's nearly 80, so there probably aren't that many Mothers Days to go.
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@TheBreadmonkey Yeah... Alternatively, I will feel that I have given in and done something I have no belief in. Pretend = lie. So in my mind I have 'sold out' in order to fit in with social expectation, rather than been true to myself.
I'm not particularly emotional, so have to pretend (=lie) a lot of the time with her... and I may be exposing myself to the possibility of having her launch into racist Daily Mail mode, which is always traumatising. (Plus side, that would quickly end the call.Again.)
On the other hand, she's nearly 80, so there probably aren't that many Mothers Days to go.
It's a very very familiar conversation I have with myself and hope you find peace with whatever you decide
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@scribblanitea call her now. It sounds like you’ll both feel better.
@oftencalledcathy I think the problem with me for these things, and a lot of things like it, is that I don't 'feel' anything about it at all. Effectively it's a logic problem to me. I suspect if I really felt anything about it, I wouldn't have a problem.
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Basically, I know I 'should', but I always have been contrary about doing things just because some social convention (the majority of which are just made-up stuff) tells me I 'should' do it.
@scribblanitea haha same
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