I hope my kids appreciate that I’m hauling like 10 lbs worth of Swiss, Belgian and German chocolate, along with a party-sized bag of special airport-only Haribo Gummibären.

[wendynather@infosec.exchange]

I hope my kids appreciate that I’m hauling like 10 lbs worth of Swiss, Belgian and German chocolate, along with a party-sized bag of special airport-only Haribo Gummibären.

[claushoumann@mastodon.social]

@wendynather Nice! now I have cravings.

[chronovore@infosec.exchange]

@wendynather Found it! You might be in luck

PARENT CODE 63 — UNIFORM PARENT GUIDE
§ 45(g)(7)(B)(iv) — Gratitude Requirements Pertaining to Chocolate Conveyance

Promulgated pursuant to the General Authority vested in Parents, Guardians, and Other Responsible Adults under the Domestic Provisions Act, as amended.

WHEREAS, the Transporting Party (hereinafter "Parent," "Guardian," or "The One Who Paid For It") has undertaken, at their sole expense and inconvenience, the procurement and conveyance of one (1) or more chocolate-based confectionery products (hereinafter "the Goods") for the exclusive use, enjoyment, and consumption of the Minor Beneficiary or Beneficiaries (hereinafter "the Child," "the Children," or "You Know Who You Are");
NOW THEREFORE, it is hereby established, codified, and decreed that any verbal, written, gestural, or otherwise communicated expression by the Minor Beneficiary or Beneficiaries that fails to rise to the standard of genuine, demonstrable, and enthusiastic gratitude — including but not limited to: sulking, shrugging, the utterance of "I wanted the other kind," or any facial expression deemed by the Transporting Party to constitute ingratitude — shall constitute a Class I Violation of Chocolate Receipt Conduct (hereinafter "the Offense").
§ 45(g)(7)(B)(iv)(I) — Remedies and Enforcement

Upon a finding of the Offense, the Transporting Party shall be empowered to impose, at their sole and unreviewable discretion, one or more of the following corrective measures:

(a) Full or partial submersion of the offending Minor Beneficiary in a vessel of molten chocolate of no less than milk-chocolate grade;

(b) The direct and thorough application of said molten chocolate upon the person of the offender, such application to continue until complete coverage is achieved to the satisfaction of the Transporting Party; or

(c) Such other chocolate-related consequences as the Transporting Party deems proportionate, equitable, and sufficiently dramatic to make a point.

§ 45(g)(7)(B)(iv)(II) — Waiver of Defense
The Minor Beneficiary expressly waives the following defenses: (i) "I said thank you in my head," (ii) "It was the wrong brand," and (iii) "I was going to say thank you." No such waiver shall be considered valid unless submitted in writing, notarized, and accompanied by a hug.