Returning to writing poetry…damn, my poems have really leveled up after transition.

[joscelyntransient@chaosfem.tw]

Returning to writing poetry…damn, my poems have really leveled up after transition. Apparently, if you want to be a better writer, take the damn hormones! 🤭

[joscelyntransient@chaosfem.tw]

Honestly, I think it’s because poetry needs details and situatedness, it needs embodiment. And when you’re running from your embodiment and dissociating from your situation, it’s hard to root the verse like you need to. So most of my past poetry suffered from abstraction, generality, and disconnection. Finally cultivating an embodiment I love makes a hell of a difference in being a better writer.

[charlotteeowyn@chaosfem.tw]

@JoscelynTransient heyyyy I'm on a poetry kick too!

Woot woot for poetry trauma channeling!

[finalgirl@blackqueer.life]

@JoscelynTransient honestly, opposite. It’s like my brain said “Oh, I can just BE a girl? Like all the time? Then why would I write?” ‍️

[revoluciana@chaosfem.tw]

@JoscelynTransient this makes a lot of sense and rings true for me, too. My writing is a lot more grounded than it ever was before, and while I've never written much in the way of poetry, my prose has so much more rhythm than it ever did, something I'm really proud of, and surprised by, but also, it just *feels* right when I write. Along with the things you've mentioned, feeling connected with myself and the worlds I inhabit, the embodiment you mention, I can feel the rhythm in a way I couldn't before, which allows me in turn to express it.

[revoluciana@chaosfem.tw]

@FinalGirl @JoscelynTransient

I get that. I'm more prolific than I've been in sooo long, but I don't have interest in writing the same things as before. I don't need to explore the same issues or feelings the same way, so it feels dull to write it.

As much as I'm sad that the Wachowski Sisters aren't working together anymore, I completely understand why Lily backed away. She said she doesn't want to write allegory anymore and wants to write directly and explicitly about queerness and transness.

Honestly, she and Lana have always been so private, but I have an unfounded suspicion that Lana is the more inventive and imaginative one, and that Lily is the one that grounds and translates much of that into something more digestible and relatable, which is why they work so well together.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I think after transition, Lily probably felt that similar shift of just like, similar to what you said, which is like, why would I do *that* anymore when I can just live? And yeah, in her case, she's still writing, which I realize is not the same as you're saying, but it's so incredibly different from what came before because the old stuff just didn't make sense to her to do anymore.

[joscelyntransient@chaosfem.tw]

@FinalGirl that happened with my academic/scholarly writing, honestly. I think the writing that allowed us to fantasize or escape loses its driver…but other kinds of writing can flourish. Hope you find your way to writing that thrives for you now…or just live girl enough to be more than worth it for you!

[bridget@gts.sharitt.com]

@JoscelynTransient @FinalGirl I think I’m also in the opposite camp as well for the same reason, but also I think transition has affected most “escapism” activities, which unfortunately were most of my hobbies and broadly my approach to art.

[transpirateradio@lgbtqia.space]

@revoluciana @JoscelynTransient

Ever find the voice to write something that scares you?

That's what I'm experiencing right now.

Like, right now. At my desk.

I don't know if it's a good voice or a bad voice I write with. I know my old voice had a lot of anger, a lot of despair. I like to think my voice now is a lot kinder. An old friend once described living on T as "living life with your finger in the light socket", and I'm feeling a lot more at peace without that worry.

But, well... this one bit I'm writing feels a little different. I'm writing a post with a lot of anger, but it's one that I know has to be perfect.

And tapping into that anger scares me.

[revoluciana@chaosfem.tw]

@transpirateradio @JoscelynTransient

Not sure if that's directed at one or both of us, since it was in reply to me, so I'll give a response of my own experience.

Hmm. That's a good question. I can easily get anxious about releasing something, and I prefer to be vulnerable when I write or else it feels not worth it (unless it's informative or something), but I don't think I have written things that scare me. But I'm also not fully certain what scares me. I don't think I have a ton of deep-seated fear, and certainly very few sources. I think my biggest fears concern my kids or just not being who I want to be (not even in the trans sense, but that, too, of course).

That being said, I think the most important part is writing what feels true to me, even when it's difficult. I don't think good voice or bad voice is relevant, and I'm not sure what that would mean. I don't even think that about my old writing. It's just that, what I wrote before wasn't the issue so much as I was divorced from myself, so it was difficult to write what's true and what's vulnerable, because I wasn't true to myself and I couldn't be vulnerable, so the writing couldn't be, either.

And I have no issue with myself or others writing from a place of anger. I often do, or at least frustration as I find it difficult to summon full blooded anger anymore. One of my favorite mentors used to have me start from a place of frustration, writing rants, as a tool to dig deep into what matters to me, and what likely resonates with others, too. It was such a gift that Maggie gave me. I should thank her again. It's been two decades since she gave me this.

[valentine@flickering.style]

@JoscelynTransient I found something similar.

For the first few years after taking testosterone, it bothered me that I write so much slower now. I interpreted it as "struggling to write." But the truth is, what I do write now is so much better and uses so many more of my senses and capabilities. It takes longer but it's worth it.