- instead of feeling like i can go 200 miles per hour randomly distributed in a single place or project
- with time, coaching, training, and better sleep (undiagnosed sleep apnea made it even worse), i now have the kind where i feel i can go up to 200 miles per hour across 3-4 things at a time
- things i'm not interested in are still very very hard to do
- so at some point i decided i will only do the things i'm very very interested in (took a while to get to a place where i could do that)
- now that i'm there, as long as i am able to shift my 200 mph focus consistently across the 3-4 buckets of projects
- eventually i'll do a few pretty fun things!

this is a difficult topic to talk about because everyone experiences this differently, and no one should ever say 'see, this adhd person can still do things' as a way of weaponizing it against another person with a different experience. that's also ableist

for me it also helped when i stopped thinking about the 'all the things i can't do because i suck stupid adhd' and more of 'ok my brain works differently how can i trick my silly brain'. even with that, veering too much into 'my adhd is my superpower' is also super ableist

at the end of the day, i like doing all of these things not out of a 'i have to do this or i suck', but because i feel truly compelled to expend my energy on the many many things i care about!

but if i had to do things i didn't like and people told me i sucked all the time for not being able to do the things i didn't like, it would probably be a very different experience.